e ku'u morning dew

there's something about him that i simply just cant get enough of,

and frankly,

i think that "something" has turned into many things.

maybe it's the way he looks at me.

whether he's teasing, or serious.

maybe it's the way we laugh together.

or perhaps when we play piano together.

like a duet, almost.

maybe it's the way he smells good 24/7.

literally.

or maybe it's our taste in music.

the way we sing the o'jays and michael jackson

and earth, wind, and fire on car rides.

maybe it's the "good morning lana" texts i get.

i love those.

or could it be when he holds my hand?

perhaps.

i think it's a combination of all these things that just makes me crazy about him.

maybe that's the reason why i repeat his name over and over again in my mind..

just so i can smile if i'm ever feeling upset.

perhaps my memories of our dates is the reason why his name is doodled in my notebooks, complemented with a heart or two, of course.

i've become less and less bothered by the people

who tease me for this relationship..

in which are reasons i am unsure.

i think i've got it.

it's the way he treats me.

he treats me like i'm of royalty.

i feel like i don't deserve it.

and i really don't.

but he doesn't let me think that.

i try my best to be as good to him as he is to me.

and to be as good as him in general,

regardless of our relationship.

i've been holding a lot of this in, but now that we're down to a

monthly/weekly/daily

countdown until he leaves,

i feel the need to let these thoughts and feelings loose.

so here i am...unchaining these thoughts from the center of my mind

and putting them on a blog.

for everyone capable to read.

but it's all true.

he gives me more than he knows.

whether he's aware of it or not, it's true.

i promise.

Neverland Loving

I was never a Peter Pan fan, but

I think I've found Neverland.

After track practice, Bridget and I walked through an unknown park across the street from school.

We talked about relationships and parenting.

The essence and blooming of spring was captured in the few minutes we spent strolling through it.

Butterflies were floating,

trees were dancing,

grass was growing,

flowers were blooming.

Kids were laughing with Mommy and Daddy.

Dogs were kissing their owners who held slobber-drenched frisbees.

A hand-holding, elderly couple strolled by Bridget and I as we were running and said hello, smiling.

Reasonably sized, rustic homes bordered the cobblestone street with old ladies drinking tea and knitting baby clothes for granddaughters.

They look up through highly prescribed glasses and smile their cute smiles.

Young couples occupy Neverland too.

The Mrs. places one hand on her pregnant stomach, as the Mr. holds her other hand.

And they walk together.

Little girls were climbing trees, telling secrets,

as the little boy was trying to listen to them.

He steals a glance at the one with the brown curly pigtails

who gives him butterflies in his tummy, similar to the

butterflies fluttering around her.

Kites were being flown by daughters and fathers.

BoyfriendandGirlfriend

were cuddling on a blanket

looking at the clouds.

Suddenly...

drops of water.

Thin, silver streams of rain darted to the green grass.

And the little girls and boys

and their mommys and daddies

laughed

and

danced.

So it's true.

Neverland really does exist, everyone.

Bring it on home.

unworthy of facebook.

...oh spring break. you treated me so well.

boy, you so fine.

observations on a rainy afternoon.

I am surrounded by books and windows in MMA library at 4:12 in the afternoon on Tuesday. The only one in the library, my hand is still cramping from writing a myriad number of definitions. I take frequent glances to my left through the window as the rain streams down the glass panels and onto the pink blossom tree below. The girl with the colossal ribbons tied in her hair just packed up her seam-stretched lavender backpack and left the library. Just me and Mrs. Librarian Lady now. Listening to music in a foreign language makes me feel like I ought to be doing what I am doing now [writing/nothing] in another country, on a rainy afternoon such as this. I look down at my cold hands. Chipped nail polish. Smiley face drawn by my beloved lab partner. Smeared ink marks. Plumeria ring on the left; the calligraphy CTR ring on the right. I refuse to go into depth, if you can't tell. Just observing my current state of being, and frankly, I'm quite pleased. Mama calling...there's my cue.

No Importa...by Noel ? Ft. John Legend.

Iris.

and I dont want the world to see me

cause I dont think that they understand

when everythings made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

oh how i love this song.

Pualani: Flower from Heaven.

I must admit, I've been in this

loss-of-words state of mind. And

this state has carried over to

what I say.

Nothing.

I don't know what to think.

Utah and Idaho seem to occupy

a lot of that space in my mind

recently.

Due to my lack of thinking,

I've decided to let the following

pictures bring my thoughts

back to life.

Mama and I attended the

Philadelphia Flower Show.

When we were there,

I didn't speak.

But I thought...

beauty.

BUTTERFLIES.

current status:

hands won't stop shaking as I type.

So there I was.

Washing my hands in school.

When my phone vibrates in my pocket.

Dry hands.

Message received from: Marcus.

"Its here lana. Its here. And im going crazy !"

and thats when the shaking started.

one hour.

just one hour.

We'll know.

L;MIAV;RNV;AJRSI;VJAMLJGOI;RFJIOS;IFJOGLNARILUV;OROILVOI;ASLJOIRAFJLASRINVAO;ULFJNO;IAJASFKLAJSF

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!