a beautiful mess

There's a slew of things on my mind, yet there isn't. so we'll see how this blog goes.

I really didn't want to mention too much about the missionary I'm in love with in Idaho, but since I've barely done anything the past couple of days, he occupies my mind every moment it's idle. And then I hit play.

My heart ached for the first time in Rome.

Truly, irresistibly, unforgettably ached.

Strolling through the universally romantic city on the planet, I should've expected it.

My apologies to you readers who may have read my blogs and are probably sick of reading about him, but then again I'm tired of feeling guilty for wanting to talk about him.

Forgive me.

My relationship with the Savior has been particularly special lately. He's answered a myriad of my prayers, and it blows me away every time. I've become more thankful, appreciative, and contemplative about the world and what's really important.

I'm cleaning myself up little by little and in sections. My spirituality is one, my body another, and my interests, even. I feel my interests for a majority of my life have been based on what others may think, whether if they would approve or not. Sometimes it was negative, but other times it was actually a positive method. Asking myself, "what would he/she do?" and solve a problem righteously. As I've grown up [I still am] I've gathered the good things from good people and put them in a pot of righteous soup. After eating it, these good habits have become a part of me. I observe what people do and learn to apply these things to my life.

However, every once in a while there's a bad vegetable that gets in the pot of soup, and I'll partake of that too. Then it'll make me sick, and my cure varies. That's how my relationship with the Savior has been strengthened. He heals me. So does the sacrament. and friends. and mom. and dad. and brothers. and a little Chinese girl named Marielle, who sings taylor swift and preschool songs to me.

A snag visits me now and again when I feel the pain of mistakes I've made in the past. It hurts sometimes, but then I remind myself I'm not the one bringing those thought back into my life.

As much as I love my life now, I miss my childhood days terribly. I miss my brothers at home, as we would all argue with each other, but then come to each other's rescue. We were all superheroes. I miss those car rides of us laughing and teasing Mom and Dad while they were in the other car next to us on the way to a party. Now we're all grown up, and I wonder if that means we can't be superheroes the way we were. We still save each other, but since we're older we can't wear capes. I miss those capes. The trampoline is gone from our backyard like our childhood.

Mom teaches me mommy things to know in the future. Some things are easy to understand, but others are more difficult. I try my best to perform these things gracefully like a lady should, but I've discovered for most of these feats, it's like I'm picking up trash in a dress.

that's all for now, folks. keep prayin.